In Korea, spam or seupaem is special. It goes well with rice. You can buy it in gift sets and take it as a welcomed present to someone’s house when you’re their dinner guest. (Fruit is also very welcome.) And, believe it or not, there also exists in this truth-is-stranger-than-fiction world, Spam-flavored macadamia nuts, sold by Hamakua Plantations. Spam is so popular in so many forms that a few years ago, the seven billionth can of Spam was sold. 7,000,000,000 is a rather large number. That’s a lot of Spam.
But there’s another kind of spam just as unpopular as the other, capitalized kind is popular with many. It’s not the “canned meat made largely from pork.” Answers.com says about this other spam: “Unsolicited e-mail, often of a commercial nature, sent indiscriminately to multiple mailing lists, individuals, or newsgroups; junk e-mail.”
Whenever I check on my blog, I read and approve worthwhile, real comments; then I check the myriad junk comments as “spam,” navigate over to my wonderful spam-holding area, and click on “bulk delete.” These pretend (poorly) to be written by caring people. Then you hear the clunky English and see the commercial websites sending them AT you and go *Groan.*
What I want to know is why all spam comments are written either so see-throughly or so feebly? Reading them for fakery, my head goes *Whoa!* and *Pop!* Here are a few:
From Skinny Womens Jeans, I was told that one of my blogs rocked: “Wow, nice post. I just now clicked a link to your blog and I am already a fan.”
Some computer or someone is ignoring aspiring to the well-crafted comment. I would’ve preferred: “Wow, nice post! I clicked a link to your blog just now and am already a fan!” It needs some exclamation points in order to rev up the tone, and, really, the whole sentence needs a little revising, as above.
Million abstauben said about another blog: “Simply want to say your article is awesome. The clearness in your post is simply striking and i can take for granted you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your rss feed to keep up to date with succeeding post. Thanks a million and please keep up the good work.”
I’m not touching that one. It’s just too obvious. It belabors the points. It hammers them. It’s like a mental lead balloon. It churns out heavy-handed syntax like poured concrete. It’s wordy. *Groan.*
Health-juice.net is apparently a lover of Susan Boyle and said this about another blog: “I have seen the performance of Susan Boyle and it is never short of excellent. Definitely one of the best voices out there.”
Why not this? “I’ve seen Susan Boyle perform, and she’s always excellent! She’s got one the most amazing voices I’ve ever heard!” At least it sounds like a person wrote it. (Or maybe one did, but was in a hurry.) Such wording as I suggest above would throw me off longer, until I saw the Health-juice.net address.
Liquid-vitamin.org is, on the other hand, a keen fan of Britney Spears: “I have watched almost every concert of Britney Spears. She is truly a goddess of the pop music industry. I wish that she gets more success.”
I’m not even sure I ever wrote a blog in which I mentioned Britney Spears. Maybe I did. Anyway, this style would be better: “I’ve attended nearly every concert of Britney Spears. She’s the queen of pop music. I wish her all the best.”
But still, who or what devised this comment? Britney Spears is not at the top of the pop music industry, and the use of gets is strange. Also, aren’t all of those sentences just plain illogical? Who could’ve watched nearly every concert Britney Spears has given? *Blech.* And I much prefer Sheryl Crow or Enya or Carly Simon or Tracy Chapman or Sarah Mclachlan, but I’m sure teens would argue for Stefani Germanotta, named best international female solo artist, best international breakthrough act, and best international album (The Fame) at the Brit Awards 2010, in London. Yes, Stefani Germanotta is now known world-wide as Lady Gaga, wearer of interesting contraptions and setter of exotic fashion. And success? I wish Britney Spears good health. But “more” success? She’s already sold a billion albums (well, maybe 100 million, and no kidding). I wish her success in her personal life, and I mean it.
Both kinds of S/spam are canned. One tastes like pork; the other just smells fishy.
Like gnats at a pool party in south Georgia, spam is here to stay. I’ll just keep on swatting, and next time, I’ll try to keep my mouth closed.
Great article on spam and the way they give themselves away with poor writing. I am convinced that professional writing will become an important topic of study in colleges and universities across the curriculum. Everyone is “writing” more with the internet, text, etc. We just need to write better to squeeze out these ridiculous spammers. It is a whole area of writing education that is going to grow.. writing well on the web.
Spam is delicious, especially when sliced extremely thin and fried in a pan with kimchi. Kimchi Spam. Mmmmmmmm!