Carmen’s Chatter

“How many times have you driven to my house?” Beth asked, sounding quite serious.

I was safely at her home at the time and seated in front of her warm fireplace, where I had confessed my latest misdirection.

I started to answer, “Um—,” beginning to count up the times mentally, when I realized her faux-serious tone of voice had once again snuck one past me.

“You—”

“Now, I’m just teasing with you.”

I mean—what could I really say? I myself was marveling that a grown woman could get lost between Rome and Acworth.

Because I know Beth loves me, I never mind the ribbing.

Because also I do get lost easily, I mean, seriously.

To help me with this directional malady, my sweet husband, Sean, bought me a GPS for my forty-eighth birthday a year ago.

Did you know you can still get lost with a GPS? It’s possible. I can attest to that. That’s why I need one so badly and must learn to use it better.

So here’s why Beth was teasing me. I went to visit her not long ago, she lives in Acworth, Acworth is about thirty-seven miles from Rome, and I got lost in the middle of those. The last thing I remember her saying to me was, ever so gently, the way only a friend who’s known you (and your foibles) for thirty-two years can say, “You know your way here—it’s not hard—you just go 411 to 41. Right?” And when she heard my long, drawn-out silence stretch across the wireless line, she quickly added, “No worries. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

So although it should take me only about forty-five minutes to get to Beth’s house, I always give myself an hour because I don’t like to keep her waiting, and I never know when I’ll take a wrong turn. Once I’m sure I’ve made all the right turns and can relax, I’d rather drive really slowly, arriving just on time (the GPS helps with this changing “arrival time” calculation); if I get somewhere early because I have to leave so early to accommodate my possible wrong turns, I have also been known to sit for a few minutes in a nearby parking lot reading a book, until the agreed-on meeting time arrives. I hate being late, for any reason.

So. I plugged in my GPS. I plugged in Beth’s address. My GPS started talking to me. I started driving. All was well. I kept driving. My GPS kept talking to me. All was well. I kept driving. And then I thought that the lavendar, go-this-way road on the GPS was to the right, so I turned.

Then I heard those dreaded mechanical words, “Recalculating.” I sighed. I remembered what kind-hearted, gentle Sean has always said to me, “Don’t panic when you get lost. That’s when you get to see new places.”

Sigh.

So I kept driving. I saw a new bridge being built; it was amazing, really, just half a bridge towering above me as I rode underneath it, a tiny man in a hard-hat perched on top of it with surveying equipment, and I thought bravely as I was passing under it, Sean was right. I would not have seen that bridge if I hadn’t taken a wrong turn.

Then my GPS calmly said, “In .3 miles, turn right.” So I did that, wondering, Where am I? I was instructed to get on highway 61. I did so, thinking any minute I would be in Florida or somewhere like Czechoslovakia. But, lo and behold, in six miles, I was instructed to get back on 41. All was well. I had only taken a minor detour, and so I arrived at Beth’s house right on time. And it was a terrific visit.

But the point remains that I get lost easily.

I get lost easily when driving in a car, and I get lost easily when navigating my emotions, too. Just because no one else can quite see me getting lost emotionally doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen on a regular basis.

This reminds me of something Cynthia Bourgeault (I believe) once said at the Abbey in Conyers, when she was leading a conference on prayer there, and I was happily in attendance. She said that she’d just gotten a GPS and how wonderful it was for navigating new terrain and how we all also need to tune in to our “God Positioning Systems.”

So I’ve been thinking about my God Positioning System. This “GPS” includes the Bible and prayer and good friends who will direct me to the Bible’s wisdom and to prayer and to what one book I read recently called, “Christly virtues.” I loved that “Christly.”

So when I get lost in anger, I read, “A quick-tempered man does foolish things” (Proverbs 14:17), “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1), and “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel” (Proverbs 15:18).

And when I get lost in wanting to manipulate something that I should turn over to God and let go, I read, “Folly delights a man who lacks judgment, but a man of understanding keeps a straight course” (Proverbs 15:21), and “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

And when I start to get lost in thinking I’m wise or something, I read, “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones” (Proverbs 3:7-8).

And when I want to judge someone else, I read, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:1-5).

And when I think, Life’s not fair! I read, “Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud” (Proverbs 16:19).

And when I want to lose my temper, I read, “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32).

And the list goes on and on.

Perhaps the most piercing, relevant Proverbs to me has become this one: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

As I told Beth over some loaded, cheesy potato soup that was as delicious as it was caloric, every morning I get up and think, What can I not say today? People who know me will doubt that, but it just proves that everyone is fighting some spiritual battle that perhaps seems to show little to no fruits . . . yet.

Now, to my best friend, Beth, I will say pretty much almost anything. Okay, I will indeed say anything to Beth. I mean anything. I feel that free in our friendship, and it’s a huge blessing, a very freeing experience. I also feel that freedom in my marriage, thankfully, but otherwise, in general I’m learning the value of limiting my words in all of my relationships, especially at work.

No one really needs to know all that I think. My jokes are not that funny. My points are not that helpful. And often the truth can be damaging in ways I had not foreseen. Keeping my mouth closed more often would be a huge step in the direction of wisdom. I’m sure.

So I’m trying not to get sidetracked by my emotions daily. I’m trying to stay on the course of love. But obviously I’m always getting lost in foolish human detours of the heart like pettiness, anger, resentment, judging, complaining, and so forth.

But I also always have my GPS with me and my loving friends, keeping me focused on God’s way, thankfully.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 4th, 2010 at 8:08 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.